Is anyone out there listening to me?

I'm baaackk!

2010-02-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

I've decided I'm going to get back into blogging. No point of having a blog if I'm not gonna keep it up, right?! For anyone who cares, I am still working! Hallelujah! LOL! I am still at the same job! Double Hallelujah! Life is fantastic. I hit a couple bumps in the road with this school thing but I will be graduatiing for sure this December. I'm planning my wedding (feel free to throw out any suggecstions). I'm also planning a Disneyland trip for Elijah's 2nd birthday next month. We are soooo excited. He's asking about it everyday. It's going to be nice to not have to think about anything but fun. I can't wait to blog about it and post pictures. I'm going to get back to my homework because that is what I got on the computer to do. Until next time, love, peace , and hairgrease suckas!

Life is GREAT!!!

2009-11-13T14:47:00.000-08:00

"Ha!" That's what I say to all those out there who said or did anything to make me feel like I would never make it... "Ha!" I am the happiest I've been in a LONG time! Life is going my way. Even in the time of a nationwide recession, I am so happy! My son is in great health. He's getting bigger and smarter everyday. He tells me good morning when we wake up. He hugs and kisses me and tells me he loves me. He brushes his own teeth. He's an awesome kid.
I have a job. Let me say that again...I HAVE A JOB!!! I've been working for the past 4 and a half months now. It was quite a bumpy start. But now I am very satisfied with my job. I don't wake up every morning feeling like I want to quit. I like coming to work. The people are cool. I am treated like an adult. It's all good!
I FINALLY got out of my parents house. Eli and I love our new home, it's everything we could have ever asked for in our first home. He has his own room where he plays with his toys and watches his cartoons. I cook dinner for us most nights (still getting used to that, I miss my mama's cooking).
And last but certainly not least...I am engaged! I never thought I'd find true love. I thought I would die a lonely old maid. But it was when I stopped looking, the love of my life found me and last week he asked me to be his wife. We are planning the wedding for sometime next year. So I said all this to say, keep the faith. When life doesn't seem to be going your way, just hold on. Whatever is meant to be will happen when it's meant to happen.

~*Peace and Love*~

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

Okay so it's time to get sentimental. What's new huh? Well it's Father's Day and I'm just a tiny bit bothered because I wish I knew where Elijah's dad was. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being my son's EVERYTHING for the past 15 months. Regardless of that fact, though, he needs to know his father. There are things that a father needs to do with his son and show his son. Elijah's gonna have a great life regardless, but I feel like he's being cheated because of the dumb decisions made by both me and his father. It's not fair to him. And when he's old enough to start asking questions, I'm the one stuck with the hardwork of trying to explain an adult situation to a child.

And what really hurts is when I see other children with their loving fathers playing with them and taking care of them. I had that experience growing up. Hell, my dad is still taking care of me. I hate that Elijah may not know that experience. Even if I ever get back in contact with his dad, he didn't want Eli, plain and simple. Yeah the situation at the time was complicated, but he could have kept in contact, checked to find out if I had my baby, tried to see if we were both okay. What am I gonna tell my son about the other half of himself? What if he ever needs medical attention? We need to know family histories. I need to know of any conditions that run in the family. But most of all, Elijah deserves a dad that loves him and spends time with him REGARDLESS of how he feels about me.

But I still praise God everyday for Elijah because he is a blessing. I pray that he keeps me strong and gives me the wisdom to use the right words when the questions start. I also pray that he gives me the wisdom to make the right decisions when it comes to Eli's life because he deserves the best, in spite of the choices of others.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with the Fantasia Barrino song 'Baby Mama'...

Me and Elijah, Father's Day '09

Baby Mama - Fantasia

You Be The Judge!

2009-06-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

So...first of all, yes I am super late watching this video. Everyone has seen this video and many people have asked me if I saw it. The headline on WSHH was enough to let me know what the vid was about so I didn't watch it. So everyone is saying that Spectacular from Pretty Ricky is gay now that he put out this video. He has since put out a response video saying he is not gay and this vid was strictly for the ladies. I don't know about that Spectacular. On this vid, you said the singer Lingerie came hard for the ladies. You didn't say anything about the vid being for the ladies. Secondly, if this is a challenge to a bunch of dudes...why in the world are you in some red satin panties talking in a "phone sex" voice?!!! I can't speak for all the ladies of the world, but I do not find that sexy or straight. The was probably the unmannliest (is that a word?) thing you could have ever put on the internet. I don't know...

But forget my opinion y'all, you be the judge!

Man Foolin Around On Top Of Train Gets Accidentally Electrocuted In India!

2009-06-06T18:21:00.000-07:00

All I can say is WOWSERS!

Another beautiful song...

2009-05-29T01:45:00.000-07:00

Makes me wanna cry...where can I find love like this?

Golden - Chrisette Michele

A beautiful song...

2009-05-29T01:43:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most beautiful songs you could ever sing to a person. Can't wait until I find someone who can appreciate its message.

At This Time - Algebra Blessett

True happiness...

2009-05-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am, another lonely sleepless night. Thinking about all the things that are wrong, all the things I don't have. Then I come across this picture that I forgot I took last week. I don't know why I continue to look for happiness in others when I have one of God's angels in my care. Look at this picture. In his face you see joy, pure and simple. A joy that we as adults forget about as we are consumed with life's pressures and responsibilities. I am reminded by this picture that I do have this joy and his name is Elijah. Thank you Lord for this infinite blessing that you delivered to me in this small package.

Irresponsible Parents of the Year Awards...

2009-05-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

*Warning* contains mature material including nudity. Watch at your own discretion...

So...why is she making this video in the room with these kids? And why was the camera not even really focused on her?

Okay I really have no words for this lady. What was she doing and why?!

'The Bluest Eye' helped me love my dark skin

2009-03-10T21:23:00.001-07:00

Growing up, I was always chastised by other children for being dark-skinned. I was called all kinds of mean names and left out of activities because I was not as 'pretty' as the other girls. For a long time I struggled to love myself and be comfortable in the skin I am in. By the time I read this book and truly understood it, I had already started learning what it meant to love myself regardless. However, this book took my understanding to a new level. I felt what the main character was feeling. Although I never wished I could be white with blue eyes, as a child I did wish I was a lighter complexion. The Bluest Eye made me realize even more the importance of loving me, dark skin and all. And I do!

Still bored...and lonely!

2009-02-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

Okay just another random thought as I sit here feeling sorry for myself. I am not REALLY close to any adults. I love my parents to death but the closeness that used to exist between my dad and me just isn't there anymore. And my mom is such a sweetheart, but she's trying to make up for lost time because we were emotionally unattached when I was a child. I have a couple friends that I call on when something big happens and I just HAVE to spill the beans. But I realized that I am lacking a close one on one relationship with someone over the age of 1. It seems that I am every one's back-up plan. If there's no one else to call, or you haven't heard from me in a few months, then call me. I think about my loved ones everyday but I do not think I am on any one's mind that often. I have to stop myself from calling people sometimes just so I do not seem like a bugaboo. Those closest to me do not realize just how meaningful a call to say hello is to me. It makes me feel like a million bucks when a friend calls me without me calling and leaving a message first. My phone rarely rings and sometimes I just want to throw it out the window because it serves very little purpose. I know that time alone is very valuable. And if my finances were measured in 'time alone' I would be rich!

BORED!!!

2009-02-24T02:17:00.000-08:00

Well here I am 2:17 am bored as all get out but not sleepy. I am starting to experience emotional fits of no sleep and then oversleeping. I don't like it. I think I am a bit lonely. I know, sounds like a personal problem, and it is. I have just been battling a few demons both internal and external lately. And though I share many of my feelings with those closest to me, I tend to keep some things to myself simply because I do not want to hear what others may say. When I share my feelings, I am just looking for an ear to listen, not necessarily for advice. But everybody likes to give advice, which is perfectly natural, but I do not always want it. Others' advice is just another burden on mind because I then start thinking about how they will perceive me if and when I react to my situation.
I cannot wait for Elijah to be older so that I can start sharing things with him and he can actually understand. I am already building a relationship with him that will lead to us being very close, if not best friends. I believe that he will not judge me as others do and as I even do quite often. The love and bond between us is unconditional and I pray that it remains as such. I cannot believe that he has been in my life for nearly a year now. That year has come and gone so quickly, I am afraid that the rest of our years together will go by just as quickly. However, I will enjoy every waking moment with him and teach him everything I know and learn new things with him. I will not be afraid or ashamed to share my past with him because it will serve as learning tools and hopefully assist him in making difficult decisions in his lifetime.
I miss my brother and his family. I am missing out on the best years of my nephews' lives. The next time I see them in person they will be 4 and 6 years old. Life just doesn't seem the same without my brother and his silly antics. He keeps life interesting. I am very much looking forward to the day they move back to the United States and my son can know his cousins. And maybe by then I will have thought up some new pranks to pull on my brother.
Well that's everything on my heart that I care to share at this moment. Until next time...

ABC's of ME

2009-02-18T01:55:00.000-08:00

A - Age: 26

B - Bed size: Full

C - Chore you hate: changing diapers

D - Dad's Name: Raymond

E - Essential start your day item: toothbrush

F - Favorite actor(s) or actress(es): Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Sanaa Lathan, Phyllicia Rashad ( I know I probably just butchered her name)

G - Gold or Silver: Gold

H - Height: 5' 5"

I - Instruments you play(ed): piano

J - Job title: student and mother

K - Kid(s): 1 beautiful baby boy who will be 1 year old next month

L - Living arrangements: lol! if you really know me then I don't have to answer this

M - Mom's name: Tina

N - Nicknames: Patty, Trish, PattyCake, Fatty Patty (call me this one and I may never speak to you again

O - Overnight hospital stays (other than birth): once for my son's birth

P - Pet Peeve: people who smack, people who chew gum like a cow

Q - Quotes you like: "I'm lovin' it!"

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: 2 younger brothers

T - Time you wake up: whenever my son starts hitting me on the head and talking to me

V - Vegetable you dislike: ugh peas!

W - Ways you run late: when my son decides to go number 2 right as we're leaving the house. then i have to stop and change his diaper AGAIN!

X - X-rays you've had: my teeth

Y - Yummy food you make: lasagna

Z - Zodiac: Aquarius

25 Random Things About Me

2009-02-18T01:50:00.000-08:00

1. I am terrified to sleep with doors open in the room. That's closet doors and the entrance to the room. Although I don't think I believe in the boogeyman, I don't wanna take my chances of him entering my room.
2. Even though I am the oldest of 3 children, my brothers bullied me as a child. Particularly Raymond because we are closer in age. But Ryan did kick me down a flight of stairs once.
3. I was born in San Diego on the Marine Corps base Camp Pendleton. My parents were both in the Marine Corps and that's where they met.
4. I saw E.T. for the first time when I was in my mother's womb.
5. I hate reality television because I know it rots the brain but it's my guilty pleasure.
6. Before I had my son I didn't want children. Always thought I might adopt later in life.
7. In my adult life, my weight has fluctuated between 150 and 220 pounds. I am somewhere in between now.
8. In college my dorm room was decked out in Powerpuff Girls paraphernalia. I had the whole bed set, pillows, and anything else I could get my hands on.
9. I also had a one-piece Powerpuff Girls pajamas with the feet on them. I wore them to the cafeteria once.
10. My son has my personality...always smiling and laughing. And he has a big ol' smile like me.
11. I haven't traveled anywhere out of the Bay Area since 2006.
12. I don't gamble because I would rather waste money on things I can see such as clothes or food.
13. I just learned how to braid hair about 2 months ago.
14. I wear my heart on my sleeve and cry at the drop of a dime (if no one is around).
15. I don't date men who bite their nails.
16. If I could marry anyone in the world it would be either Morris Chestnut, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Adebisi from Oz), Idris Elba (Stringer Bell from The Wire), or Michael K. Little (Omar from The Wire).
17. I was in labor for 75 hours before having a C-section with my son.
18. As a child I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up, until I realized I cannot stand the sight of blood.
19. I have never seen The Matrix or its sequels.
20. I saw Scarface for the first time in 2006.
21. I can memorize most songs by third time I hear it.
22. I attended Catholic schools until I got to high school.
23. I LOVE watching the Golden Girls.
24. I would have married Al Green, if only I were born closer to 1946.
25. The same goes for Ronald Isley.

LOVE

2009-01-19T20:10:00.000-08:00

Ha! I am soooooo in love right now. I have a 10 month old who loves me and constantly lets me know that I am his world. For a long time, I wondered where would the man who truly loved me come from? How would our paths cross? Would I meet him at a nightclub? at the grocery store? in church? on the internet? It was a thought that on many lonely nights literally bugged the hell out of me. I dreamed of what my true love would look like, smell like, act like, feel like.

Then he came to me in true form on March 15, 2008. Elijah, my son, the man of my dreams. His touch on my face is like heaven in my soul. His gaze in my eyes sends my heart fluttering at a million beats per second. His voice causes my smile to extend beyond the boundaries of my face. I never knew I could be in love like this. I thank God for him every day. He is my knight in shining armor, sent at a time when I was allowing life to consume me. He saved me from myself. And now I owe him my life. I will never resent him for the scar under my belly, for it served as his portal to this earth. I will cherish the time that he spent in my stomach, for it served as our first bonding sessions.

I still believe my king is out there who will LOVE me romantically, but I can be patient until he decides to make me his queen. Regardless of whether that ever happens, Elijah Khyber is the love of my life sent to me from God Himself.

This is bulls@&$!

2009-01-02T09:30:00.001-08:00

If I were in this family I would sue the hell out of this airline. This country is so messed up. People need to mind their own business and stop trying to control everyone else. And most importantly, stop being racist snitches.

Don't black men date black women anymore?

2008-07-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm sure I am opening a HUGE can of worms here. But you know what, so what? I'll say this much before I get started. I am not on here to offend, only to speak my mind. I can appreciate people of all races, so please don't assume that I am a racist. I just have a greater appreciation for my own race and am just a little concerned.

Now, where do I begin? How about with 'The Real World'? I could not believe the glorification of drunk white girls this season, well let's face it, every season. It seemed that the black male cast members could not enough of the white girls. So does that mean that there are no black women in Hollywood? Or do these particular black men only like white women? I don't know. But this seems to be a growing trend in the media. I am no hater, not by a long shot. But it is a little disturbing when I think about how many decent, intelligent black women there are in this country looking for decent, intelligent black men. It just seems to me that black women- dark black women in particular- are just not shown the love that is deserved.

This takes me even further into the topic at hand. When did women from the motherland become not attractive to black men? I believe it happened when we started to forget where we came from. Don't get me wrong, black people come in all shades, shapes, etc. However, there seems to be a greater deal of emphasis of beauty put on those who are lighter skinned with 'good hair.' My friends who fall into this category know that I love you and think you are indeed beautiful. I'm just saying, does this mean that I am not just as beautiful with my coal black skin and 'nappy' hair? Hell no! First of all, beauty comes not from the outward but from the inward. Secondly, there is nothing ugly about black, no matter what shade. We should all appreciate blackness and African heritage, for it is where we all originated. Yet, the media has caused many of us to hate it and avoid it all costs.

I believe we all have a right to date whomever we choose. We just need to start putting more thought in to it (myself included). When you get some free time, do a little research on black women. Learn about our strength and courage and more importantly, our struggle. You just may have a whole new appreciation for us.