Happy Father's Day

Okay so it's time to get sentimental. What's new huh? Well it's Father's Day and I'm just a tiny bit bothered because I wish I knew where Elijah's dad was. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being my son's EVERYTHING for the past 15 months. Regardless of that fact, though, he needs to know his father. There are things that a father needs to do with his son and show his son. Elijah's gonna have a great life regardless, but I feel like he's being cheated because of the dumb decisions made by both me and his father. It's not fair to him. And when he's old enough to start asking questions, I'm the one stuck with the hardwork of trying to explain an adult situation to a child.

And what really hurts is when I see other children with their loving fathers playing with them and taking care of them. I had that experience growing up. Hell, my dad is still taking care of me. I hate that Elijah may not know that experience. Even if I ever get back in contact with his dad, he didn't want Eli, plain and simple. Yeah the situation at the time was complicated, but he could have kept in contact, checked to find out if I had my baby, tried to see if we were both okay. What am I gonna tell my son about the other half of himself? What if he ever needs medical attention? We need to know family histories. I need to know of any conditions that run in the family. But most of all, Elijah deserves a dad that loves him and spends time with him REGARDLESS of how he feels about me.

But I still praise God everyday for Elijah because he is a blessing. I pray that he keeps me strong and gives me the wisdom to use the right words when the questions start. I also pray that he gives me the wisdom to make the right decisions when it comes to Eli's life because he deserves the best, in spite of the choices of others.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with the Fantasia Barrino song 'Baby Mama'...



Me and Elijah, Father's Day '09

Baby Mama - Fantasia