BORED!!!

Well here I am 2:17 am bored as all get out but not sleepy. I am starting to experience emotional fits of no sleep and then oversleeping. I don't like it. I think I am a bit lonely. I know, sounds like a personal problem, and it is. I have just been battling a few demons both internal and external lately. And though I share many of my feelings with those closest to me, I tend to keep some things to myself simply because I do not want to hear what others may say. When I share my feelings, I am just looking for an ear to listen, not necessarily for advice. But everybody likes to give advice, which is perfectly natural, but I do not always want it. Others' advice is just another burden on mind because I then start thinking about how they will perceive me if and when I react to my situation.
I cannot wait for Elijah to be older so that I can start sharing things with him and he can actually understand. I am already building a relationship with him that will lead to us being very close, if not best friends. I believe that he will not judge me as others do and as I even do quite often. The love and bond between us is unconditional and I pray that it remains as such. I cannot believe that he has been in my life for nearly a year now. That year has come and gone so quickly, I am afraid that the rest of our years together will go by just as quickly. However, I will enjoy every waking moment with him and teach him everything I know and learn new things with him. I will not be afraid or ashamed to share my past with him because it will serve as learning tools and hopefully assist him in making difficult decisions in his lifetime.
I miss my brother and his family. I am missing out on the best years of my nephews' lives. The next time I see them in person they will be 4 and 6 years old. Life just doesn't seem the same without my brother and his silly antics. He keeps life interesting. I am very much looking forward to the day they move back to the United States and my son can know his cousins. And maybe by then I will have thought up some new pranks to pull on my brother.
Well that's everything on my heart that I care to share at this moment. Until next time...